Acidic Reflux of the Highest Order
by Roxius
Summary: Retsu Unohana has a rather awkward experience with a very drunk Matsumoto Rangiku. Unohana X Matsumoto. Yuri, shoujo ai, femmeslash. They just kiss, really. Please R & R! The usual stuff, y'know.


Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I don't know how Matsumoto acts when she's drunk, but I don't know if someone acts the same way every time they become drunk, so...I'm winging it!

* * *

_At the 4th Division HQ..._

"WAAAAAH! UNOHANA-TAICHOOOOOU...!! HEAL ME!!!"

Retsu Unohana calmly glanced up from her paper work to see a rather drunk Rangiku Matsumoto lazily waltz into the room. She dropped an empty bottle of sake into the recycling bin by the door as she passed it. Then, the busty ginger-haired woman collapsed on top of Unohana's desk and held up her index finger to reveal a small paper cut. Not once did Unohana's warm, motherly smile leave her face. She had grown very used to this sort of thing.

"It's just a paper cut, Matsumoto-san. It will heal very quickly," Unohana stated in a soft tone of voice. Matsumoto let out a small belch, and rolled over onto her back, putting her monumental breasts in full view. Unohana took a quick glance at them; had they gotten even bigger since she last saw her?

"Nooo...heal it, taichou..." Matsumoto whined, forming her plump lips into a pout. She was just like a little child. Unohanahad to admit that it was both rather funny and cute to see an adult woman like her act in such a undignified manner.

Gently, Unohana tapped the tip of Matsumoto's nose. "I am not even your captain, Matsumoto-san, so you do not need to refer to me as 'taichou'...and, no, you do not require my services to heal something as tiny as a paper cut.""

Matsumoto's growing disappointment became even more obvious as she replied, "Meh...you're not nice, taichou..." she stuck her tongue out at the tall, raven-haired woman.

"Like I said, I am not your 'taichou'. That would be Hitsugaya-san. Now please allow me to continue working, Matsumoto-san...I have many papers that I need to finish signing, and your interruption is holding me back from completing them..."

"You wan' me to leave...? For realz?"

"Basically, that IS what I would like, Matsumoto-san. You may come back again later if you wish...when you're not intoxicated..."

Matsumoto remained lying on top of Unohana's desk, being defiant as usual. "Then kiss me." she said very seriously.

For the first time so far in this little conversation of theirs, Unohana found herself caught off-guard. "W...What?"

A tiny grin graced Matsumoto's lips. "I want you to give me a kiss on the lips, taichou, on the lips," she remarked drunkenly, narrowing her eyes in a suspicious manner, "Then I'll leave you alone...realllllly..."

"That is just the alcohol talking, Matsumoto-san...please do not say such ridiculous things." Unohana replied, although she said this mostly to herself than to anyone else. She was able to remain calm, but she couldn't help but begin to feel incredibly uneasy. The faint signs of a blush were even beginning to form on her pale cheeks.

"NOOO! NO NO NO!! I want a big, warm hug and kiss from my darling taichouuu~!!" Matsumoto cried, grabbing onto Unohana's hair braid. Unohana tried to break free from Matsumoto's grip, but the well-endowed woman was rather strong. This was getting to become a really awkward situation, indeed.

"M-Matsumoto-san...we...we shouldn't do this...I'm serious now...y-you're drunk...you'll just regret it when once you're sober-"

"Nonsense...I ALWAAAAYS make better decisions when I'm drunk...hee hee!!!" Matsumoto chuckled. She belched again, and Unohana was overwhelmed by the thick stench of alcohol on her breath. The 4th Division captain was about ready to pull out her blade, when she felt a soft, warm wetness against her lips...

...and she realized that they were kissing. Unohana could taste the remnants of beer on Matsumoto'slips and in her mouth.

'OH DEAR. THIS ISN'T GOOD.'

Suddenly, at that moment, the office door swung open again, and this time Isane Kotetsu stepped in. Unohana cursed loudly in the back of her mind. There was no way she could pull her mouth away from Matsumoto's, either; the woman had a firm hold on her. She must have worked out daily at the local YMCA, Unohana figured.

"Unohana-taichou, I'm here for the...the...the...." Isane's entire mind went numb the moment she glanced up from her clipboard. She stared on in shocked silence as her beloved captain and 10th Division Lieutenant Rangiku Matsumoto were locked in a passionate embrace of lips. She had never felt so disturbed in her entire life.

"Umm..." slowly, Isane walked backwards out into the hallway, "Uh...I'll...I'll just come back a bit later...okay, Unohana-taichou?"

Unohana waved her arms around wildly in hope of getting Isane to come over and help her, but the silver-haired woman simply ran off without another word. It didn't really seem like she was going to 'come back a bit later', either.

'CRAP...'

When Matsumoto finally broke away from Unohana, she was smiling widely from ear to ear. "That was fun, taichou! Wanna do it again?!"

Despite the sugary-sweet grin on her face, a powerful bloodlust was radiating off of Unohana's very being. "NO. I DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN, MATSUMOTO-SAN."

"Phooey...!"


End file.
